


Pearls of past ghosts and present gifts

by NoxCounterspell



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Introspection, No Dialogue, Pearlnet, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Romance, Romantic Relationship, Rquited Love, Types of loves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxCounterspell/pseuds/NoxCounterspell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in what felt like an eternity Pearl really understood: she finally saw why she was different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearls of past ghosts and present gifts

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy. This started out as a Pearlnet ficlet, then things got a bit introspective and 6 pages later here we are. This is completely Pearl-centric, and it felt awesome to write.  
> Also, is important to mention that even though my favorite ship is PearlNet, PearlRose is too important in the story of all characters in SU that can't be forgotten. In here, I depict it as a Platonic-Romantic relationship, but not exclusive. In my hc, Rose is a poly till the moment she met Greg.  
> Also, my perception of Garnet is as her a being, so Rubypphire doesn't mingle with the Pearlnet.  
> I ask for patience and coping, this is my first SU ficlet, and this hasn't been beta, so any comments are really appreciated.

Maybe it had been the way _she_ said it.

Or the fact that it had been the longest conversation they had had since the Communication Hub stunt (specially on Garnet's end).

Perhaps was the inflection on the fusion's voice. 

Whatever it was, for the first time in what felt like an eternity Pearl really understood: she finally saw why she was different.

 

* * *

 

 Jasper had called her defective, Homeworld hadn't been any kinder towards her either. A simple, plain pearl was what she had been thought to be. A servant. A follower. No questions asked, no personality nor curiosity. Just the will to serve in eternal monotony. But her? She had been set aside from the very beginning: she had questions, a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge and wit and adventures and stars and planets... She had desires. Her own. No one else's but hers. She wasn't design to process information in order to create a personality, but here she was, fully aware of her existence and ready to explore the universe.

A plain, simple pearl ready to find somewhere to belong.

She had thought she belonged to the eyes of Rose Quartz.

Rose, who saw the beauty and uniqueness in everything. Rose, who's love for every being was just big enough. In Rose's presence, one never felt alone nor insecure. With Rose, you felt wanted, and cared, and great, and unique...

… _and loved._

And for a defective pearl, all to willing to experience emotions and wants and needs; ready to travel the universe if she could, Rose Quartz was the shelter she had seek for so long.

So she clung to her like a life line.

Rose, the ever loving self she was, received her with her arms spread open, finding in Pearl a confidant and a loyal follower. _A partner_.

Pearl didn't thought it twice when she followed Rose to Earth. She knew her (maybe even better than anyone else, a source of pride for the small gem), and she make herself believe maybe Rose wouldn't travel without her. So she once again clanged to the pink gem and marched in her final journey through the stars. Along with them came others. And it was funny to think now that, her current source of stability, had traveled among with them.

She may have been just too blind to see it at the moment.

Adventures passed. Tragedy arrived. New ones where found and so Pearl spun on a vortex, that got herself in an ordeal different from anything she has had before. Humans would eventually call it _family_. At the time, it was a mystery to both alien an human ends.

The years passed and she kept herself going, just for one reason: _Rose_. Rose became her whole life.

 

* * *

 

 Rose had loved her. She knew it. Rose had loved her with all that beautiful heart of hers.

But Pearl now understood. It was a different kind of love.

Perhaps being around humans, and one like Steven on top of everything had influenced her. It might have been TV shows and human weird music or books. It could possibly also be all the new situations she found herself on with her team mates and Steven. But she now thought about love way differently than when Rose was around.

 _Infatuation_ , probably was a better word to described what used to be the feeling.

(Or not, because some days she still felt it like a spire through her thin frame.)

Even though Rose loved her, and Rose had gave her purpose, and made her feel like she belonged... Rose never understood. Her love was sweet and passionate, but it wasn't exclusive. She adored all things by nature, and she got struck by wants that rumbled deep down to her core and never left until she had satisfied them. And who could have blamed her? She was perfect in her own self. Flawless, charming, full of wonders she had to give to who ever needed them.

She had everyone. But Pearl? Pearl only got Rose.

Rose had her eyes set on the Earth. Pearl only on her savior.

That's why it had been so hard at the beginning. (And maybe it still was, although she likes to think that about almost a decade has been enough to get through it). Jealousy. Yes, she was ashamed to admit it but she had felt green when Greg showed up in the scene. Of course, it was not the first human to catch the attention of Rose. But that had been different. Rose _actually_ acted upon it. Not as a game, nor as a gamble. Not as if he was another one of her toys. She had played with the human till the concept of romance and passion and eros and _love_ have came to the scene, all to seriously. Ideas of the future and common featured, trust and understanding appeared on the play.

It was no longer an infatuation between the two. No longer were Rose and Greg, but _them_.

 _He became her favorite._ And that set a milestone on Pearl's life. For the first time, she was pushed aside from Rose, (not consciously of course, but slowly, almost pitifully. She knew she was out of place. A third wheel as humans call it). She was left with the other member's of her little family. The wild Amethyst and the quiet stoic fusion.

Now, after Greg and Rose's romance to the birth of Steven, Rose's departure and the child's upbringing she was aware that maybe her eyes where set on Rose not to look deep into hers. Maybe, she had been just too young and naive (not that she was much wiser nor older now). Rose was her first true love, and there were times it was the only love she could acknowledge. The turmoil about what she felt now and then was a complete overfall she was willing to let be.

In order to spare her the pain.

 

* * *

 

Something new had glimmered in her eyes.

If she was honest to herself, it wasn't really that new. Garnet had been around her all along the struggle.

At first, Pearl had resorted to the new the facto leader in an attempt to make it to safe harbor. She was loosing her mind and her will to live in the absence of Rose. Garnet was the one who took over (the team, Steven, the leadership), and Pearl was just one of those loose ends left by Rose that the fusion had taken care of.

Garnet was nothing like Rose. Yes, she was loving and caring, but on her own way. Instead of opening her arms and make a refuge for those in need, she pushed them to get over their tussles. She would encourage through wise words and strong actions for everyone to keep on moving. She was confident and powerful and secure, and she made sure to transmit that to her little family.

She was also patient and understanding. Strong on the discipline but always good natured.

Pearl knew that Rose had accepted her, seeing in Garnet the experience of such pure love that could not stand to be apart. The fusion was a being completely different to what she had known. And even so she had accepted her.

So Pearl began talking to her more openly, helping her out to plan missions, taking care over the small baby Steven was, keeping Amethyst out of trouble. It was just right, as Garnet had taken the empty spot and needed the help.

She found herself then going a bit further. Sometimes, when distressed, she would reach for the taller gem's arm, holding on to it tight. (Probably, to tight). It would be also a touch on her shoulder (completely uncalled for). A side glance here (Not as stealthy as she would have wished). A quest for approval there (Too needed). Little nothings that made her feel better.

And even more so when Garnet didn't rejected them. She flinched only the first time Pearl took her by the arm, snaking her long skinny ones around the more toned ones of the fusion. Afterwards, Pearl would only notice over her shoulder the quick flare of the visor as the taller one took a quick glimpse at her. Things kept escalating: Garnet started putting her hands over Pearl's shoulders when she was upset. She spoke kind words towards her if she felt tired or sad. Sometimes, if they where sitting on the living, she would hand her a book to read or offer her the paper (a very human thing to do, but important to keep updated, Garnet said). Every now and then, maybe they would just sit there, in comfortable silence, one next to each other, relaxing.

Pearl wasn't completely aware of when the boundaries had turned so thin and unclear. Sure, Garnet was there to be the missing mother of the baby, the role model for the reckless young Amethyst. But to her? She was no longer sure she was just her leader anymore.

Forgetting Rose was too painful, feelings to raw. But Garnet... Garnet was making her feel _alive_ again.

 

* * *

 

The day came when Garnet took the upper hand. After a very complicated mission, Pearl and Amethyst carried a very tired and injured Garnet, with Steven on their tail, frantic and desperate. The purple gem had taken him to his bed to try to calm him down while Pearl took Garnet to her own room. A quick inspection revealed nothing but damages on her light body, but no actual cracks or scratches on her Gems. The fusion had tried to reassure them all, reminding them her invulnerability.

But her family wasn't having any of it.

Pearl was fussing over her, worried. Garnet had been _too_ reckless. Seen the mission had got out of hand, she encased all three of them to safety inside a cave while she took on herself the giant monster. By the time they finally made it out to her rescue, she had poofed and bubbled the gem shards, only moments before she collapsed to the floor.

 _She was their protector,_ she said, _it was her job_.

Biting her thin lips, Pearl felt herself at the edge of crying. Too many people didn't seem to realize their value in her life, putting their lives at stake in order to win a greater good and the safety of others. It was something she could relate to, but for some reason, she was always just _too weak_.

She couldn't protect Rose. And now Garnet was playing the same game.

Pearl wasn't so sure she could collect the pieces again if she lost Garnet.

The strong hand of the taller gem on her arm startled her. In a smooth motion, Garnet's pull got Pearl on her side, her face mere inches away to hers. Her lips didn't linger enough to even catch a quick gasp of air. Garnet's lips against her own felt like fireworks.

 _I'm your protector now_ , was everything the fusion said before clashing again with her mouth over Pearl's.

They had started like that. Garnet seeking her for some reason. And Pearl desperately hanging to her for dear life.

It was new, and exciting. Completely different to Rose's love. While Rose was warm and soothing, Garnet was hot and inspiring. One nurturing, the other one empowering. The former gave everything to everyone. The latter was all about her family and _Pearl_.

Pearl decided to be selfish, and to keep them both. The ghost of the past and the gift of the present.

 

* * *

 

She began smiling widely again. Trying to be as discreet as possible, she touched and grazed Garnet whenever she could. That kept her steady. That kept the memories away. In the heat Garnet was, Pearl could no longer feel the cold hands of reminiscence. She left those for the lonely hours of the dawn, when Garnet wasn't on the house on her own missions. That's when Pearl let herself be buried in all too vivid images of Rose's curls and soft hands. That's when she allowed herself to cry.

 

* * *

 

Little did Pearl know she had a tendency to addiction. When in her time it has been Rose, now Garnet was something she just couldn't let go.

The abrupt turn of events after Amethyst and Steven revealed her trick to kept on fusing with Garnet got her at the very limit of losing it. To be cut out as the taller gem did to her when finding out she had broken her trust let Pearl on an abstinence syndrome that threatened her whole point of existence.

( _You tricked me_ , was what she said while dangerously stomping towards her. Something never happened before.)

She was alone again.

It reminded her she was just a pearl, after all. A being on the necessity of someone to give her value. With the need of being acknowledged.

In the loneliness of her betrayal, she couldn't avoid but to wonder in Garnet's words.

Since when has she been tricking Garnet? When had her own satisfaction become a victory, even if that meant using another?

_She's been distracting us with nothing!_

( _She is been distracting_ _**me** _ _with nothing!,_ it's probably what she wanted to scream).

She may have lost Rose over the Quartz' love for Greg and Steven and her will to give her child an opportunity.

But she lost Garnet at the expense of her satisfaction.

Really, she could only blame herself for the latter.

 

* * *

 

Making up the plan of finding Peridot to amend for her mistake was a desperate measure. Only that she needed to do something.

She could not loose Garnet.

(However, at this point was all for the wrong reasons.)

The cold returned but this time the daydreams became _daymares._ The memories mixed between her intimate moments between her and Rose, her and Garnet. The ghost keep signaling her with an accusing finger. _You used her_ , the ghost pressed, _she loved you and you used her._ The pained expression that played on the fusion's visor when the truth was revealed played over and over.

She should have suspected it. That in the mean time she was on a whirl of confusion and ache, Garnet knew what she wanted. Probably it was obvious. She was the result of the deep love of Ruby and Sapphire, not two individuals forming a being, but a whole new entity that kept their knowledge and motives. Garnet understood love deeply cause she was made out of it. And in her understanding she had chosen Pearl as the partner she wanted to share that love with. Even knowing she would always have the shadow of Rose in her back, she took the challenge, using her eternal patience and wisdom to support Pearl. Accepting all that was within her.

She only had asked the same.

Sardonyx had been the ultimate prove. The feeling that lingered in both of them had submerged the couple in complete ecstasy. The subtlety of their expressions was slowly kept aside, their dances entrancing and intimate. Garnet seemed to bring to the outside what happened just behind closed doors. Pearl would have been more than happy to oblige.

However, what was left was just forced connivance.

 

* * *

 

A big surprise was Amethyst reaching out for her in aid. The younger gem usually just clashed against Pearl's ways. But deep down they both knew how deeply they cared for each other. Amethyst had been the only one mature about all of this. The pale gem noticed how she caught up to everything quickly, intervening to kept Steven out of it. She told her so. Steven had been on the middle and both Garnet and Pearl seemed so into their struggles that had started ignoring how Steven felt.

Amethyst confessed on knowing everything about the romance between her other two teammates, at least suspecting it way before _this_. _You were as subtle as a rhino, P,_ she had said, _your mushy eyes were beginning to make me sick_. She said she didn't care, as long as they were happy. She didn't completely understood how it worked, with Garnet being a relationship fusion. But that was ok. She wasn't the one that needed to understand.

One of the greatest attributes of Amethyst was her raw honesty. _You fucked up_. Pearl didn't need to be told twice. Both of them comprehend what it was to fuse with Garnet. The purple one never felt that strong, the pale one never felt that complete.

Amethyst said she has tried to talk to Garnet as well, one of the many afternoons they now spend alone on the house. (Steven was ushered to go to Connie's often, and Garnet seemed to not be much around lately). She said the fusion has even refused to acknowledge the subject, either ignoring her or cutting her off. Although, she knew something had happened during the road trip Garnet had suddenly gone on with Greg and Steven. The kid said he promised not to tell about it, but gave Amethyst the idea that Garnet was more sad than angry.

Pearl wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Anger was the spark of a reaction. A spark was easily dismissed.

 

* * *

 

It took four walls moving to crush them to death for them to finally talk again. She had asked for forgiveness. Garnet has refused. _You need to know there are consequences to your actions!,_ the leader in her had said.

That was not the side of Garnet she wanted to hear. She wanted the deep caring partner she had found in her.

Her tears gained her that. _The truth_.

She was surprised to know Garnet has split upon their fight. Did she really cared that much?

_I'm not as strong as you think._

But she was.

_I'm not perfect._

But she was _._

_There are times I look up to you for strength._

What?

Garnet was being sincere. She just couldn't believe it. The stoic, complete, perfect leader seek reassurance in the fragile small pearl of the team?

That damned visor didn't allow her to see the fusion's eyes. But she knew they were filled with that fire that pushed you forward. She meant every word. She was been open with her. She was hurting over her broken trust, but it also stung that Pearl couldn't see for herself what Garnet saw in her.

To choose her own destiny. To be her own gem. That was everything Garnet was asking of her.

_Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong so we can move forward. So I can trust you again._

She has been forgiven. But it didn't automatically patch everything. Love takes time and work, Garnet once told to Jamie and Pearl was starting to understand. She needed to love herself as much as she loved the others. Steven, Amethyst, Garnet and Rose. She had to be on the list too.

 

* * *

 

Things slowly were working out. The memories were still there, of that beautiful ghost she clung to, her first safe harbor. And the gift she was given remained (giving her a second, third, fourth chance), making her see how different she really was from her other pearl fellows. She was a Pearl of her own. Nobody but her had decided to go to Earth. To stay. To fight. To love.

She was different because she had allowed herself to love and act upon it.

She still had a lot to go through. But now, she was sure she would manage to sort everything out. 

 

 


End file.
